Anatomy of a Catfish: Dominique as "Jasmine"

On November 26, minding my own business, I got an interesting Facebook friend request.  At first glance, it looked like the typical spam request that would eventually direct me to a porn site.  Except for the locale of the person.  Generally, the spam requests come from a locale either from my profile like where I grew up, but this one was from Colorado.  It took about 4 seconds of a closer look to realize that it was my ex-wifey Dominique, alter old shenanigans.

And I do mean “old”.  She had on-site just recently catfish to me taking on the guise of a weather person working at 9News.  The same 9News that had just exposed her as a fraud and a house thief.  Dominique intended for me to click on a link that she sent that would record and send her my IP address.  Not that she could do anything with that info, especially given the fact that I don’t have a static IP address; the perks of having more than one or two hacker friends.

First, I snatch the pic and drop it in Google search. Comes back as a pic for mixed girls with curly hair – like so:

A quick perusal at her profile blurb that says, ”i'm sorry y'all! i had to delete my old facebook, too many people i didn't know! here's my new acc.” certainly implies that she had a prior profile with a lot of friends – but this “new” one only has 12. 

Let me insert a quick point here – when it comes to abnormal psychology, there are markers of behavior that point out a pattern of abnormal/bad behavior. One of Dominique’s “issues” is sleeping with young kids. As a teacher at Denver’s PS-1 Charter High School, she had a smorgasbord to choose from, notoriously getting pregnant by one student, who happened to the son of the woman she was then dating.

So when I noticed that all her FB friends on this new profile were high school aged boys, it stood out as a red flag.

I decided to entertain her request by first messaging her:

Right on cue, she brought up the Kasbah, a local club that hosts a poetry venue that I have performed at. That I am a “really popular dude” there is a exaggeration, of course. I mean, I am a pretty dope poet and all, but there are doper, and they ain’t the fodder of convo there. This was a deliberate ego stroke, no doubt.

We continue:

So now comes the reference to her stepbrother – which is Freudian to those who know Dominique; her own stepbrother is a bane to her, having allegedly beat her up a lot when she was younger. "Allegedly" because this story and the oft-proffered story of hers about abuse from him and his father/her stepfather is probably one of her many habitual lies that she tells as part of her mythological background. 

Then more on the bogus claim at working at Masjid Abu Bakr, the city’s largest mosque. Of course, she even unaware that her lie is all the more apparent, given the fact that I actually know the brother who runs the mosque’s website…

I stroke the issue about her work, offering to throw more her way, etc. – suggesting that she is an IT/Graphic Arts pro.  Which she bites:

Now I stroke the issue of her faith. Again, it is Freudian when it comes to Dominique. When we were courting, she did her best to present herself to me as a faithful practicing Muslim woman – mostly given the fact that I had been married for 15 years to one and as a practicing Muslim myself, the idea of marrying one was intrinsic to my life. Her actual lack of practice was something that Dominique internalized as a lack of character which she mentally railed against with masking behavior. I think she felt that if I saw her as a poor Muslim, I would not want her. Ironically, this was far from the case – and it was an issue we struggled with throughout our marriage.

An example:

One day, I was sitting and reading the Quran in Arabic, attempting to memorize a short chapter, when Dom inquired as to what I was doing. I told her I was memorizing Surah Naba, which is the first chapter of the last 30^th part of the Quran. This portion is a commonly memorized portion among Muslims and I was finally at the last chapter that I needed to have the whole portion memorized in Arabic . There are 36 short chapters in this portion and Naba is the first of this series.

Dominique responded by claiming to know this surah by heart, having been trained to memorize it by this mysterious (non-existent) Muslim couple, a professor and his wife. A moment of truth ensues, that I actually let pass. I know that she does not know enough Arabic to even read the Quran, much less, having memorized a chapter like Naba - especially since she hasn't memorized any of the much shorter/easier chapters that even most Muslim children know. I land quickly at that she just wants to be able to relate to me, that my faith and practice have created a divide that she wants to bridge. As absurd her claim is, I fight and conquer the urge to clown and expose her - I tell her I would love to sit and have her verify what I am memorizing as soon as I finish...

So, here, Dom is presenting herself, unnecessarily as a new and faithful Muslim, so in love with the faith and apparently so that a community would take her in and give her a job.

That, or, she is relying on the fact that the Colorado Muslim Society is so large and busy that they wouldn’t notice being tagged on Facebook.

In any case, as icing on the cake, all I need from “Jasmine” is a reference to Dominique. And right on cue, here it comes:

Yatzee!!

Of course, Dom can't resist bringing up herself - but then, why should she? This is all about her, right? I have to wonder, what it is she is after. Does she want to know how I truly feel about her and will I confess it to a stranger? Do I have an agenda, and what is it?

I answer with a superb deflection and I turn up the heat a bit, this time asking if she will be at the Friday prayer. This is problematic of course, because it opens the door to me meeting her – or trying to.   

There is no reply, of course. A few quiet days go by and so I then reveal that I know who she is. I actually filmed a video response to her that I posted to YouTube, the link I provided to her email as a for-your-eyes-only…

So now, what’s the moral of the story?

Hell, I don’t know. It makes no sense that Dom is cat-fishing me – on the surface. Scratch deeper, and I am an itch that she can’t help but attend to. During our marriage, all the crazy things she did always spoke to me of both a deep insecurity and an actual love and desire for me, which explains why I fell in love with her and why I defended her and stayed with her.

Perhaps I am simply fascinating to her – after she lied and got me sent to prison, I did not go away quietly, like most of the people she has lied on, stolen from, and preyed upon – and she doesn’t know what to do about it, because narcissism has an ingrained ignorance and ineptitude to it.

But maybe the moral has nothing to do with her. It’s US who need to learn – to treat each other better.

Evil and crazy people are just our textbooks for the lesson.

By the way, while it's still up (I wonder what Dom will do now that there is some attention to it?) here's the link to the catfish:

                                             Jasmine Herrera